ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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