And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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