I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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