last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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