The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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