Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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