I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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