Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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