Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
