Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
