there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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