I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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