I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
