I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
