We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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