i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
