if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
