I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
