Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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