The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
