I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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