After last night, I could never be a politician.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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