just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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