CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
