Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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