Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
