did you get engaged???
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
