so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
