Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
be right there i have to get my cape
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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