did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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