I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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