WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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