What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
