I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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