dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
we should paint friendship bongs
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