I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
