I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
