Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
