I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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