He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
