I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
