She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
