I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
