Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
