he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
pray to the hookup gods
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
