Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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