i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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