Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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