I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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