I hate all girls vehemently.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
