Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
