am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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