BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
