I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
