i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
