My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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