Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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