he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
