Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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