I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my being single is dangerous.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
