I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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