So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
