the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
