I'm eating all of the evidence.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
