K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
