that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
