I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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