You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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