Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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