apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
