You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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