easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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