I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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