I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I love you.
Bad choice
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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