is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
