I could make wine with my vomit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
