Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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