question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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