Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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