My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
