I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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